The "Valentine"

Yesterday was Valentines Day and though I do adore the holiday, for married couples it should be an everyday event. Taking one day out the year to buy heart shaped everything, and buy cards that say "I love you" is overrated! Time should be taken daily to express your love and appreciation for your spouse. By doing this, you prevent a lot of negativity in your marriage. If you aren't letting your spouse know your adoration and just assuming they should know, your spouse could begin to feel that you don't care at all. This is a fall to many marriages. If one feels they aren't cared for, than they start searching to be appreciated. They could be looking for the appreciation from another mate, in their work, by volunteering, or by their children. Your first focus should always be God, and in a marriage your second focus should be your spouse. Let's not assume our spouse knows how much they are loved and cared for, and let's not just take valentine's day, birthdays, and anniversaries to show it.

Exercises:
Husbands and  wives try to take the time to do what your spouse would usually do for you unannounced. Appreciation is more than just words even though words are great. An action goes a long way, so start appreciating with your actions and watch your marriage grow!

Important Fact: When you look to be loved in your marriage you won't make it, but when you unconditionally love it's contagious and will make your marriage mush sweeter.

Time

  In this busy fast-paced thing we called life, it is important that you take the time to spend quality time with your souse. And YES, even with kids it's possible. My husband and I rarely get baby-sitters, and we don't get that break time most get while their children are in school, because we home school all three of our children. But we do get that time to have "us" time when the kids go down to bed, and we try for a once a month date out. If the date out isn't possible that month, we still set up a date night for a saturday after the kids go to bed. This time is important, because we have to take time to let our spouse know how much they are appreciated, needed, wanted, adored, cherished, and loved. Time to be specific in those things as well, rather than just saying those words. It's also a time to get back to why you two fell for each other. Consider your marriage to have an account of love. Through the walk of life in your marriage, those fights or arguments take with drawls out that can make us feel like "what's the point, they don't care anyways". However, if we are constantly making deposits such as; little love/encouraging notes, a long embrace, a passionate kiss, a compassionate smile, time you just listen, they will out weigh the with drawls and keep your flame of marriage burning as well as increase the flame. Time is very important. Husbands make deposits into your wife, and wives don't think your hubby doesn't deserved or want the passionate kiss, or the long embrace, they just might not want it every day. And I assure you, the listening to them whole-heartedly is the best deposit you can give them. You quiet, they talk!
  I pray this was encouraging to all that read this, and I encourage you to pass it on to a friend or family member. May God bless you.

Trust

It's difficult to trust anyone right? Simply because people have hurt us, so we are aware constantly of how we can be hurt. So how do we apply trust into our marriage? I came from a negative background, where the people a child should be able to trust, I couldn't. So when I came into my marriage, the idea of me trusting my husband fully was out of the question. This caused a lot of issues and I turned out to really be hurting my husband, because I didn't trust him at all. I was holding him to past hurts others did to me, and to what I know he could do. Trust just wasn't an issue I was facing towards my husband, but also to God. I believed in what the word would say. I would pray, and I thought I was trusting. However, when I would pray for help or to provide something, I would try to accomplish what I had just prayed for on my own. So there was my problem! I was relying on self, thinking I had to fix and provide everything. I had to let go of self and the "what ifs" life brings at us everyday. I had to trust God first and rely solely on Him to do what His word says. I then had to apply that into trusting my husband. Finances were a huge burden to me. I would stress out about every bill that would come into our home. My husband is the head of my household, I thought to myself, so he should be in charge of handling the finances and I would be his "helpmate". So there I was, trusting for the first time. I let go of knowing how much bills were and how they were getting paid. I put my trust in God to work through my husband. The bible does tell us to "put trust in no man", so I didn't and won't. I trust God to work through my husband and to lead him to take care of my family. We have been blessed so much this I let go. Not only have bills been paid, but my husband set up to pay towards our credit to clear us out of debt. We went on vacation just the two of us, and we counted to the penny for gas, tickets, hotel cost, souvenirs for our three kids, and we brought our own food. So when we got to the hotel, we organized our money. We had already paid for our tickets and the hotel, put $20 for each kids gift in an envelope, and $50 for gas home. Miraculously we ended up having an additional $300 to spend. We recounted the money three times, and each time literally twenty dollar bills would appear. It was such a blessing. We knew it was from us trusting the Lord to provide for us, and paying our tithes and offerings. To trust, we can't hold the past or the possibilities of what could happen against us. We have to trust our spouse fully through Christ Jesus. Your spouse is your other half right? You so easily trust your left leg to walk in front after your right, though sometimes it might trip you. That is how we have to look at trusting our spouses.

Encouragement

  Encouragement, todays topic!! I'm speaking from a wife and how we need to be our husbands encouragement. Our husband, the king of our homes, go through so much physically, mentally and spiritually, that they need to be lifted through the word of God by their helpmate. When I see my husband get down, or stressed by everyday life, I get upset and grieved, like I want to just take all his problems from him. But in reality I can't and spiritually I shouldn't. These struggles our husbands go through are great strengths for them in their walk. We as wife have to be the ones praying for our spouses, finding scriptures that will uplift them and guide them through the struggle. One of the stories in the bible really encouraged me, and gave me a way to encourage my husband. The story of Elijah when a whole army was coming towards him, and it was just him and his servant. His servant was scared by what he was seeing, so Elijah prayed and asked God to open his servants eyes. God did, and his servant saw angels all around them. Many more angels, then the army coming towards them. Then he was at peace. That is how we should be. Stop seeing in the physical and see the army of angels camped around us, the blood of Jesus poured on us, the Holy Ghost in us. We as wives have to remind our husbands during their time of discouragement. They are going to be judged harsher than we woman, because God put them as the head. Ladies, when we are needed to be an encouragement, put your feelings aside and help your man. Nagging, wanting more, and complaining only make things worse for your husband.

As an exercise, I encourage you that next time your hubby or soon to be hubby gets discourage, instead of asking what's wrong, go pray what you should do. Ask God for words to say to him. Then ask him if their is anything in specific you can pray for him for. Then dive into your word of God, and be lead to those scriptures that will be of great encouragement for your hubby.

Give Thanks!!

¹⁵ "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:15-17


Peace should be what dwells in our hearts. We should be giving God thanks for everything, including our spouse. Life shouldn't be about what is next, or wanting more, but appreciating what is right in front of us. When we fully appreciate our spouse, we fully appreciate ourselves, seeing that husband and wife means one. And in our marriage, like the later part of this scripture says, we should do everything no matter what it is to the best of our ability at all times!!! Even when we don't "feel" like it!!! Giving God thanks and glory!!!

"...First comes love, then comes marriage.."

I did some research tonight, and came across some information that has me disturbed!! In 1982 the percentage for an unmarried woman who didn't finish high school was 33%. Between 2006-2008, the percentage rose to 54%. The percentage for high school graduates in 1982 was 13%, and rose to 44% between 2006-2008. The percentage for college graduates in 1982 went from 2% to 6% between 2006-2008. These aren't even the updated risen percentages for 2009 to our present time. When couples were asked why they didn't get married, one of the responses was, "We're still young, and it cost a lot of money to separate once papers are signed." You can't step into any relationship with the idea in your head that there might be an end. That is a easy way out. It's selling yourself short, and it's you calling yourself weak!! I don't understand their reasoning, and I sure don't accept excuses either. Marriage is more than a piece of paper. It's a full-time forever commitment to love, cherish, adore, honor, respect, care for, and grow with your spouse. There is no room for selfishness!! We really need to get back to the concept we chanted as kids on the playground, "...first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby and the baby carriage!" Let's teach our babies the true meaning of marriage, it being the foundation under God for "family".

Do You Operate as One?

I was in thought yesterday thinking about how marriage means two become one. Then the divorce percentages came to mind. I couldn't understand how if marriage is two becoming one, then how come it goes back to being two in a divorce. Then the answer occurred to me!! Those marriages that are ending must have never became one. It's simple really. The way we become one in marriage is by subtracting our selfish wants. We don't hold each other to higher standards than we hold ourselves. We take care of each other. I mean let's get real, when was the last time you didn't take care of yourself?? I'm sure you ate, showered, and relaxed at some point today. Marriage is about team work, compromising, and sacrifice. In working with you spouse, your marriage becomes smoother. Not to say there won't be those rough spots, but with team work comes support. Support and become one if you aren't already.

Exercises: Try and see if you operate in your marriage as one.

                Be selfless and complaint free for just one day and see if you flow better with your spouse.

                 Stop Expecting so much out of the other when you don't expect that much even from yourself